Without Fear?

I have been thinking a lot about courage, lately. What does it mean to be brave? I will be doing a workshop on creating a personal bravery ritual, so of course the topic has been bouncing around in my brain. I usually start my researching process by going back to the actual dictionary definition of the word I am focusing on. So here is what the dictionary says about courage. “The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.”

I’m sorry, but that definition sounds wrong to me. I agree courage IS a quality of mind or spirit. And it DOES enable someone to face challenging situations. It’s the “without fear” part that I have trouble with.

I am a very anxious person. Anxiety has been my companion since the time before I had memories. Let me give you some examples. As a kid I was scared of:

· The dark – OK that’s normal for childhood.

· The subway – I got over that one fast. You have to when you grow up in New York City

· Weird diseases – Leprosy. People do not show your kids the 1959 movie Ben-Hur when they’re little!

That was just the highlights of grammar school. The list could have gone on and on.

I am 57 and my fears have not gone away. They are still hanging around causing trouble. Now they just take more grown-up forms. Currently the things that frighten me revolve around the health  my adult children, losing all my money, or my brakes giving out on the highway.

I do face them, however. I would not be able to function in the world if I didn’t. I stop myself from constantly calling my children to make sure they are safe, even though my imagination has them dead in a ditch every other week. I spend money in a reasonable way, despite the fear that when I open my bank app, my balance will be zero the . And I do drive on the highway. I even get a little thrill when I accelerate around a truck.

OK, I know this is not as dramatic as running into a burning building to save puppies, but I’m still doing it. And I feel brave doing it.  I feel brave even though I also feel scared. Whether it’s a tiny fear tucked into my pocket or a gigantic one that threatens to smother me, it comes along for the ride. For me there is no bravery without fear. So Meriam Webster IS wrong. And I am not the only one who believes that.

Mark Twain wrote, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.” And that’s awesome because, I, and everyone else on this planet, are afraid of things that we actually have to deal with. Sure I can avoid roller coasters forever. Not facing that fear has little to no effect on my quality of life. But flying, which also terrifies me, has to be faced. I have one child living in California and another in Spain.

Generally, we don’t have a choice about having to go out into the world. We can’t always keep our loved ones next to us, safe and sound. We most definitely will experience injuries and loss. And that is why I am creating the workshop on bravery rituals.  I want to help find ways to make fear-facing a little bit easier.

We could all use a little help and support while we face those challenges. Think of the scene in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. The students all line up to face a boggart, a magical creature that takes the form of one’s worst fear. Professor Lupin teaches them a spell to transform what they are seeing into something that makes them laugh. The giant spider that horrifies Ron Weasley suddenly gets eight roller-skates that send it flailing wildly across the room to howls of laughter from the students.

My support comes in the form of ceremony and ritual. I am not going to hand you a wand. We are going to do some inner work and create something personalized for you to use to inspire you to face your scariest challenges. Let me know if this a path you would like to explore.