Library of Rituals
for you to use freely
Ceremony for Honoring Impossible Conversations
Originally created to remember Maria Carla Mercader
This ceremony will be performed when you encounter something about which you could only have a satisfying conversation with someone who has died. You will need a bell, a pen, and a piece of paper. You will save the paper so you can return to it in the future for another Impossible Conversation.
It could be a page in one of your notebooks or a loose sheet of paper. At the top, you will write, “Impossible conversations with (name of the deceased).” The rest of the page will be a large empty circle. You might decorate the outside of the circular frame with drawings or stickers.
Here is the ceremony. You are Celebrator. You will say the words out loud. If something is in italics, it is an action that you will perform.
Celebrator rings bell
Celebrator
I ring the bell to dispel the silence.
A poem by Emily Dickinson:
Silence is all we dread.
There's Ransom in a Voice --
But Silence is Infinity.
Himself have not a face.
(Name of the deceased), I wish I could see your face and hear your voice. Today a thing happened that I so wish I could share with you.
Celebrator describes the thing out loud. Then celebrator writes a few words within the circle about the thing. Go back to this page for each future impossible conversation.
Celebrator
(Name of the deceased), there will never be silence between us.
Celebrator rings the bell one more time
The ceremony is now finished.
A Blessing Ritual for Parting with a Foster Dog
Originally created for Lisa and Victor, January 2022
Initial Instructions: Before you start this ritual, get a small piece of ribbon or cloth, something you can tie to the dog’s collar. After the ceremony, you can remove it or leave it on. Call to mind a specific, positive memory of your time together. Finally, when you are ready to begin, find a quiet, comfortable place for you two to be together and get down to the dog’s eye level.
You may have a favorite dog poem to read with this ritual. But if you do not, I suggest “If feeling Isn’t in It” by John Brehm. You can find it at poetryfoundation.org.
When reading the ritual, use the dog’s name in place of DOG. All directions for movement are italicized. And please read aloud. Dogs are amazing, but they are not mind readers.
The Ritual
DOG, the Dog Star also known as Sirius, is the brightest star in the night sky. Thank you for being a bright light in my life.
DOG for more than a thousand generations dogs have been companions to humans. And as poet Mary Oliver has said, “Because of the dog’s joyfulness, our own is increased . . . It is not the least reason we should honor, as well as love, the dogs in our life.”
DOG, to mark this day that you move on to your forever family, I read the following poem to honor your amazing dog-ness.
(Read the poem you have chosen.)
DOG, I remember (briefly recount the positive memory)
And I am tying this cloth to your collar to mark the memory. (Tie the cloth or ribbon to the collar.)
DOG I know you are going on to a wonderful life with your forever family. But know that you will also forever be a part of mine. So, I will bless you DOG.
(Touch one of your hands to one front paw.)
Bless you DOG for all the love you have given me.
(Touch your other hand to the other paw.)
Bless you DOG for being ready to join your new family.
(Touch your forehead to the dog’s forehead.)
And bless you DOG for simply existing as a beautiful part of this mysterious universe.
The ceremony is now finished.
Sea-Grieving
Created April 2022 for someone who had lost two loved ones who had also loved the sea
A ceremony of remembrance of those who have died to be performed at the beach. This is what you will need to bring with you.
A copy of this ceremony.
A rock – one for each person you will be remembering. You can make this a memorial for one person or as many as you choose. The rock/s should be small enough that you
can throw it, but large and smooth enough that you can do some writing on it. If you’re not sure there will be any rocks at the beach, bring some with you.
A sharpie or other pen that will write on the rock.
When you get to the beach take some time to sit down by the water and think about your loved
one/s. Call to mind some fond memories, especially of your times at the shore.
Write on the rock, “She (or he) is an object of beauty and strength.” Then write an example of
your loved one’s beauty and your loved one’s strength. You can write as many things as will fit.
You can find another rock and continue writing. There is no set limit to your memories.
When you are done, walk down to the water. Wade into it if you can. Imagine that
next to you bobbing in the surf is a beautiful sailboat. On the side of the boat, you see painted
your loved one’s name. Read aloud the following poem, Gone from My Sight by Henry Van Dyke.
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone.”
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”
And that is dying...
Now take the rock on which you have inscribed so much love and hurl it out to sea as far as you are able. Read the following aloud:
“Dear one,
The rock has disappeared beneath the waves. But though it is also gone from my sight, your beauty, and your strength, and all our wonderful memories will always stay with me.
Slowly the water will wear away the ink on the rock. In this way these words will become a part of the eternal sea.
Individually We are one drop. Together we are an ocean. - Poet Ryunosuke Akutagawa”
The ceremony is now done. But it can be repeated whenever you wish.